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| The Lady Image |
| 03.31.04 (1:54 pm) [edit] |
I think of things I want to be seen as, but then I think that I dont always want to be seen like that. Im working on getting this lady image together. I want something really classy, and pretty, and lady like. Think Casablanca, and Ingrid Bergman. Its like I want one image to show people that I can be an adult and look really classy and the other one when I want to act my age. I dont want to be what people think I am, I want them to think I am what I want to be. I have been getting some really nice clothing and new shoes and doing my hair and make-up nicely to work on this image. I feel like a bit of a contradiction sometimes though. I want to get that "I fucked your girlfriend..." shirt but I want to have a lady like image. Im stuck in this immature-mature impass. I know what I am and what I want to get into being but I dont know what to do until I get there. Its awkward. I sometimes feel like a teenager all over again. Maybe this is what it it is like when people talk about teenage awakwardness. I didnt really go through that. I just grew up to fast and this is the time for me to be a teen.
Just yet another ramdom though from the Minou.
[i]"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you arn't"[/i]-Margaret Thatcher
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| T-Shirts |
| 03.31.04 (1:45 pm) [edit] |
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I wish I could make my own shirts, that would be very schmaa! I think on friday when I go shopping im going to get a shirt made. Its going to be a plain white shirt that I look awesome in and in black lettering its going to say "I fucked your girlfriend and she liked it" Its all about the shock value of it all. It will make people wonder and make me smile. So far the friends I have told said its totaly me :) Its going to be very schmaa. If I get it done I will post a pic of it :D heeee Im a sick fucker. I love it!
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| Boots |
| 03.31.04 (1:41 pm) [edit] |
The last sunday night in ontario I finaly got the night off to see friends. I went out to reto-nite, fucking awesome night to go out too! I love that nite! Well I get up to go dance to FootLoose with a friend and he's holding my hand dancing along to the dance floor and my boot catches on his foot. I trip, I get up and keep going. We make it to the dance floor and I notice that my boot feels weird. I take a look. There is my platform of the boot hanging all the way off of it! Talk about foot lose! It was kinda funny in a way. I dont mind too much but I love'd those boots! They made me tall! Now I have to find new ones :( well ok I get to go shoe shopping now so it not all bad *laughs*
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| Kool-Aide Pavlov |
| 03.31.04 (1:32 pm) [edit] |
[b]::DISCLAIMER::[/b]
I am making a joke, I used to go to church and I know what its about, its not a case of me being stupid. If you go to church and belive then you may not want to read this, I dont want people getting mad at me cause I am making fun of their religion, thats not it at all. Im making fun of the church :twisted: you've been warned, dont get mad :P
While away I had to take my nana to church. In two weeks we went 4 times. Would have been more but the weather was bad, but we went once on a weds, once on a thursday, and both sundays. Well it was very creepy to me. I dont go to church, its just not something I belive in. I dont care about other people, but it was weird for me to go. Well it took alot for me not to make so many jokes. I kinda see church as a cult. Think about it - lots of people standing there reciting en mass these prayers, or affirmations or whatever, then they all get up and have this guy give them these little waffers and then drink out of a glass filled with some wine coloured liquid. Lets not forget that when the guy comes around with the basket we have to give our money away to.
Im sitting there on a sunday morning and this bell goes off. Not even a bell, its like this *ding* sound and then suddenly everyone stands up. Im still sitting there going WTF? then I realise "Oh, I should stand" Pavlov much? ya ya I know pavlov used a metrenome (sp) but the concept still stands. It was *SpOoKy* ~insert hand and finger movements here~
THEN there was this one time when this line of five guys went up to recieve communion and they all kneeled infront of the priest and open thier mouths. Oh the alter boy jokes that went through my head at that point...ohhh it was bad. And it looked really bad as the priest was smiling down at them, ok so part of it could be that I was twisting it into something that it wasnt but oh well, it was still funny.
At one point when the congregations was reciting on of their cult-ly vows I was watching the priest get the scrament ready and I kept thinking "would you like some kool-aide to wash that down, dont worry, you may feel a bit sleepy, but it will soon pass"
Im a wicked wicked person, but it was funny, and SpOoKy.
Good alterboy, open your mouth so I can put in this 'body of christ' and then you can have some yummy yummy kool-aide later.
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| Schmaa |
| 03.31.04 (12:19 pm) [edit] |
Schmaa - Meaning - something nify, cool, funky, otherwise good and neat. IE - 'you look schmaa', 'those are schmaa pants/shoe/clothing/acces sory'
Go out and spread the word of Schmaa!
Cause damn Im Schmaa! :D and so is my lip ring :D
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| And The Sky Turned Grey |
| 03.31.04 (12:12 pm) [edit] |
wow, lots on my mind. I just got back monday from ontario. Went to appts with my insurance company on tuesday, then fell asleep at like 5pm! wow I was tired, but two weeks of not sleeping much or eating much will do that to you I guess. So today I sit here and try to figure out things in my head. Egads that a horrid thought. I could be at this for a while. My time in ontario was weird. I went to be a caretaker for my grandma. The thing is she dosent belive she is sick. No one will really tell her what is going on so we all have to lie. There are locks on her door so she cant get out. Its a key lock from the inside, and her key dosent work, when we catch her trying to get out we have to distract her! Fuck!!! Oh and lets lie about the medication we have to give her, and lie about why some one is always there to go out with her when she wants to go for a walk. She is so fucking gone by this point. A few times she tried to throw recycling in the garbage and vice versa. She was hoarding food in her room, in cubbards and we didnt alway catch it unless it started to smell.
I had to talk her for walks. My second day there she wanted to go for a walk. She walked back and forth 3 or 4 times before she remembered where she wanted to go. Then she took off for the bank! DAMNIT! she's not supposed to go there, of couse I cant tell her that. She tried to cross the street diagonaly, oh man that was scary - we almost got hit by cars, cause no one FUCKING KNOWS HOW TO HIT THE BREAKS! thank gawd that my grandpa called one of my aunts to intersect us. We made it to the bank where my nana proceeded to try to take out all the money in her bank account! YIKES I didnt know what to do, but my aunt did. One problem kinda solved. Other great events of the 2 weeks included her having a fit when she had a few hours of clairty and realized that she was locked in her own fucking home. Everybody appologized for me having to see that! WTF?!?!??!! so Im there to take care of her but I shouldnt have to see how bad she has been getting. You need someone there all the time to watch her SHE SHOULD BE IN A HOME! at least they are working on on getting her in one, but of course they are lying as to why she would be going there.
I have come to realize that no matter what crap is going on my family is trying so very very hard to hide it and ignore it. Its like they know she is sick, and she needs help but they dont want to face it, cause then that would mean dealing with something that they dont like and may break up their little happy fucking homes. Like my lip ring...I said to one aunt, I got it just before I found out I was comming out, and she said "oh I just noticed, but im wastn going to say anything about it" No of course not, that would mean you noticed im not a a fucking replica of the rest of you. It was then that I realized I could tell them I am training to be a pro domme and they would just ignore it. It wont fit into what they want things to be so its just not there.
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| whee back |
| 03.29.04 (11:22 pm) [edit] |
I have returned from the great cold ontraio. Not going to say much at the moment, as I am sleepy and want to go back to bed. But! I am back and will blog much later.
Schmaaaaaa
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| Going Going Back |
| 03.13.04 (11:04 pm) [edit] |
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I have to go to ontario for 2 weeks to take care of family stuff. I have to go play 24/7 care taker of my grandmother. This is going to be tough but its family so its something I feel I have to do. Im ok with that. I love my grandparents very much and they raised me untill I was about 8 yrs old. Im a bit freaked out cause I dont know how I am going to deal with the stress and family bullshit politics that are going to come of it. Right now Im just telling everyone in the family I am going for my grandparents, and I dont know what is happening otherwise. So far my tactis have worked...the troops have been sent out and I am the front line, I start it and set the standard cause damn it I am the FAVORITE!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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| Random Adults |
| 03.13.04 (10:57 pm) [edit] |
Today I was thinking about family and image and my new lip ring and my mother asking me to hide things that might be offensive to my grandparents. We sat around and made bad jokes about it. But it really got me thinking about image and how we portray ourselves. I look at my lip ring and when it gets a bit gunky, and that’s not much cause I take good care of it, but it still is this ugly healing hole on the bottom of my lip. Its like when I get tattoo work done, it peals, it swells it looks gross then its beautiful art. Its like to get something beautiful we have to be ugly so we appreciate the beauty of it more. Think of plastic surgery, you suffer through bruises and scars so that in the end if all goes well you feel more beautiful. Is it just that you need to look ugly and gross so that when it clears up you suddenly have something amazing on you because it looks better than the healing stage? Granted I can go through the beauty is subjective bull, but when you come down to it we all want to look our best even just for ourselves. When it comes to jobs we tend to take on this image of what we are supposed to portray to others as a image of what they want to see. I remember conversations with Ms. D about clients complaining that this or that Domme cut, coloured, changed her hair and they don’t like it. I know that I am going to have some sort of image, and until I am ready to set it up, and ready to work with it then I’m just going to get what I want. My ink is a part of me. In 10 years I could be sick of the piercing. And really it’s the only one I have ever really really wanted, well other than a tongue ring but that would cause too much swelling and that’s just a hassle I don’t want to deal with. I wonder sometimes if I spend too much time avoiding hassle by not telling or doing things. Is my avoidance of hassle creating more of one? Or maybe I worry to much about family politics and less about how to run my own life and not worry what they might ever think of me. Maybe I am the one who needs to realize that I am the grown up now and not my parents.
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| Things I Learned Tonight |
| 03.11.04 (1:27 am) [edit] |
Just thinking of things while out tonight. It was a good night despite the bullshit that people try to start. Why is it that no matter what you are into, and no matter what place you go to there is always some sort of stupid politics? *meh* Oh Well, on with the learning.
I am appently a size 7 in shoes not a 7.5 and I should really try them out better in the store before buying.
I have lost weight and should try out clothes better in the store. *yea me*
Dont wear new shoes to a club when you want to dance.
I don't look good with black eye liner under my eyes.
I looks really cute dressed as a school teacher.
I am damn funny when being rude.
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| Happy Happy Happy |
| 03.05.04 (7:12 pm) [edit] |
Going out tonight, Im acctualy wearing a short-ish skirt! wow me! *laughs* ya Im all neat-o looking. Jean skirt, Knee high socks, long black ribbed shirt, and cord-o-roy black hat, and pig tails. And My big black boooootsss! Megan is going to do my make-up *YEA* Im looking hawt!
BTW Is it totaly wrong to want Lennon's girl? shes totaly awesome and funny and a total hottie *laughs* He has such good taste! hehehehe
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| Die Young And Save Yourself! |
| 03.05.04 (11:06 am) [edit] |
New Music...I've been listing to alot of this song, and A Perfect Circle's [b][u]Pet[/u][/b]
This is Brand New [i][i][u][b]"Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades"[/b][/u][/i][/i]
sing along kiddies :)
Afterwards - seems the last bit of the song gets cut off :( will have to try to re-do it later...
Keep the noise low.
She doesn't wanna blow it.
Shaking head to toe
while your left hand does "the show me around."
Quickens your heartbeat.
It beats me straight into the ground.
You don't recover from a night like this.
A victim, still lying in bed, completely motionless.
A hand moves in the dark to a zipper.
Hear a boy bracing tight against sheets
barely whisper, "This is so messed up."
Upon arrival the guests had all stared.
Dripping wet and clearly depressed,
he'd headed straight for the stairs.
No longer cool, but a boy in a stitch,
unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships.
(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)
He keeps his hands low.
He doesn't wanna blow it.
He's wet from head to toe and
his eyes give her the up and the down.
His stomach turns and he thinks of throwing up.
But the body on the bed beckons forward
and he starts growing up.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.
He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for...
(Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.)
So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He waits for it to end
and for the aching in his guts to subside.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
Up the stairs: the station where
the act becomes the art of growing up.
The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
Die young and save yourself.
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| Compliments |
| 03.05.04 (12:53 am) [edit] |
I dont give compliments to just anyone. I give them when I truly mean them. I feel the need to give them when deserved. If I say something then I mean it. I dont like lies, except when it comes to my parents :lol: Today I got some wonderful compliments from people today. One was from my Mentor about the lasagana I made for her. Im really glad she liked it, it was HUGE! Laine and Lennon liked it alot too, they wouldnt stop eating to say anything, and ussualy when we eat together we talk. It was so nifty cause it was something that I did, that someone enjoyed! This was said to me while talking to a nice gentleman online who I have been talking to for a while now, [i]"What amazes me, is that in your wisdom and power, you are humble and practically unknowing of your capacity. Sure, a pro this or that can certainly teach many things, but you have taught myself, a 50 year old man, more than any veteran in a D/s lifestyle. You Rock, Minou"[/i]
It made me feel so good. It was like when talking to some people that we are planning on getting together to play a bit that even if its a ways away they feel they are already submitting to me without meeting me. One guy wants to take me shopping then get tied up. Its absolutly amazing. I dont want to play for the shopping trip, I want to play to play. For the expericene and the fun of it, the shopping is just an extra.
Each time I talk to people or play with someone I feel more and more empowered, I feel more confident, I feel amazing. This is something I want so much, I dont care how long it is going to take me to be great at it, but when I get there, damnit I am going to be fucking awesome!
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| Ha Ha Damn You're Not Funny |
| 03.02.04 (4:38 pm) [edit] |
Once again the loser outside user known only as 'me' has struck again. This is their latest.
[i][outside user] me 03.02.04 [12:37 pm] (PST)
minou, i think you are a wannabe human being.[/i]
Wow, your fucking amazing to come on and post a comment when you dont have the fucking brains to post a real comment and leave your real name. Listen up child, you are not in inslulting anybody, you are not being witty. Get a life. As for a wannabe human being I hope it didnt take you all day to come up with that, cause I am sure you have a *very* limited resource pool to work from.
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| Garter Belts |
| 03.02.04 (10:38 am) [edit] |
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I find it absolutely amazing at how hard garters are to put on for the first time. Its like people expect you to know instictively how to attach those fuckers! I must have spent half an hour on one leg tryint to get them on. The bending, the twisting, the adjusting. Sweet je-bus I felt like I did a compelet work out of my upper body trying to figure out how to attact them in the back! I was more worried that I was going to sit down in them and have them come undone and then I would have to re-do it all. BUT I also dont like pre made garters or just thigh highs. Im totaly picky. *Sigh* I guess I'll have to get used to them cause full on stockings are just not that sexy all the time...
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| Wheeee |
| 03.01.04 (1:25 am) [edit] |
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Well I have been delegated to bed rest for my back *grrr* oh well I broke dr's orders last night a bit and major tonight :) Last night Laine and I went to a friends and we did a bit of playing, well Ok I got to spank a girl, and a bit with a flogger, but I mostly wanted to spank her. Then there was the part where you couldnt get into the bed unless you were topless...so there are 3 girls, and 2 guys..and one gal's skin got these amazing welts when you scratched her, even just lightly, so were scratching her and making cool designs on her back, it was so much fun. My back was killing me but I just wanted to have a good time so I ignored it. Laine and I stayed the night, in the AM our hostess made us all break-y OH YUM! sausages, bacon, pancakes with mixed fruit and whipped cream!!!! Tonight, we had some guests over, and I got to Top everyone except for one person. I got to tie them up, do plastic wrap and then toruture and play with them :D I so wish I had pics from it! It was totaly unexpected. The girl from lastnight was here too, and she had these bruises from my spanking her last night! Oh wow, at one point I had Laine tied and was giving him a major flogging, and one of the guests sais 'wow, look at her go! Shes fucking amazing, but I wouldnt want to be on the reciving end, I cring every time I hear the flogger hit!' Another friend said 'This is why I want her to teach me, look at her face, shes going to make a great Pro!' I am so happy, in pain, and unwilling to take anything for it, I spent enough time in a drug haze on sat, I dont want to do it anymore, but if I cant move tomorrow I will take the rest of my meds and rest. I want so much to get back to my friday sessions, and do that full day with my wonderful friday guy! I do have some pics of the plastic wrap and will post later. WOOO ok, this sore lady is going to go lie down before I do *more* damage to myself now!
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I am a Scorpio.
(Also known as "Scorpion")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" Scorpios are highly dangerous, even at a distance. They cheat and lie, live for intrigue, and take pleasure in destroying. " (Read more | Find yours)
Get A Sticker Too
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